


Margot's Need and Alana's Worry

by GentlyMorbid



Series: The Average Lives of Alana and Margot Verger-Bloom [8]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst, Annoyed!Margot, F/F, Graphic Self Harm, Nothing like the last chapter at all, Worried!Alana, prepare to cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 07:05:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5196722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlyMorbid/pseuds/GentlyMorbid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Margot has been having a relaxing week, when all of a sudden, she needs to hurt herself again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Margot's Need and Alana's Worry

A week later, approximately seven weeks after their dreadful visit to Alana’s parents, and Margot was feeling rejuvenated. She had enjoyed her week. She and Alana were enjoying spending lots of catch up time together, to make up for the weeks of emotional and physical separation.

The last few weeks had been an improvement, mostly, but this week was the “golden week” in Margot’s mind. She and Alana had not had a single fight, they had spent most nights cuddling on the couch and she had not hurt herself once.

But today was going to change all of that, Margot thought. One minute, she had been feeling as if she had been reborn, the next minute, she felt like she was being suffocated, both physically and emotionally.

She didn’t understand what was happening. She hadn’t been stressed, she hadn’t fought with Alana and work was going as well as she could hope, knowing herself and what she had to deal with.

She did acknowledge, in the back of her mind, however, that what she was feeling had been creeping up slowly through her mind and body. She had just chosen to ignore it, for the better part of a week. But now she couldn’t deny her urges any longer.

A naïve part of her had thought that she could control it, but the logical part of her knew that it was a lost cause and that she was now just a slave to her impulses; her need. Her _want_. She needed blood and pain and she needed it now.

She knew she had time, because Alana was at work, so she set off to their bedroom to access her secret drawer. She opened the drawer carefully, as if it was fragile, extracting the roll of knives and first aid supplies. She closed the door behind her, sterilised her chosen implement, which happened to be a wickedly curved knife, sat down and pulled her shorts down to her knees before starting her work.

She huffed in amusement. This wasn’t art; this wasn’t creating anything. This was destroying herself. This was the epitome of destruction and part of her loved it, while the other part just looked on objectively. She knew that Alana would not appreciate either side.

At the thought of Alana, she dug the knife deeper into her thigh. Blood pooled to the top, as incision after incision was made. She didn’t notice that her entire thigh was covered in blood, until it started to run down her leg. She started, and grabbed a towel quickly, placing it on the floor, savouring the blood dripping slowly down her leg. She wasn’t worried; she could clean the towel up in a separate washing machine and Alana wouldn’t have a clue.

Her knife came down again and she noticed, to her disappointment, that it was too slick with blood to do any damage. Rather than go and wash it, while risking further blood spilling, she placed it on the floor on her towel, and chose another knife. This knife was a small, yet absurdly sharp, folding knife. She always valued the sharper ones more.

As she started on her other thigh, she felt her need ebb away slowly. After several minutes of slicing slowly and carefully at her thigh, she relaxed, basking in the aftermath of her destruction. By this time, the blood on her thighs was congealing and was in no danger of dripping on anything not covered by a towel.

Suddenly, she heard the front door open. Opening her eyes in panic, she lurched upright, aware of the stinging sensation in her thighs. Alana couldn’t be home this early! Margot wasn’t ready! Standing up quickly, but slowly enough to not make her wounds bleed more, she grabbed up the towel before staring at the door. She had forgotten to lock it!

Just as she managed to lock the door, the handle twisted, as someone on the other side, most likely Alana, tried to open it. “Why is the door locked, Margot?” Alana’s curious voice confirming her suspicions. Margot swore softly, almost crying in terror, as she yelled out, “Sorry, I’m in a bit of a compromising position. I just need to fix myself up and I’ll be right out!”

Alana’s voice sounded even more curious, as she said, “Well, let me come in and I’ll fix you right up, free of charge.” Margot’s eyes, which were still wide, widened even more so, as she caught the implications of what her fiancé meant. Extremely close to crying, she yelled out, her voice shaking, “No, no, it’s fine, I’ll be out in a minute.”

Grabbing her knives, first aid and bloody towel, all which she had dropped when she locked the door, she bolted into the bathroom and locked that door behind her as well. Alana was beyond concerned, “Margot, are you alright? Sweetheart, please tell me what’s happened?”

Margot shouted from the bathroom, as she tried to concentrate on washing and bandaging her thighs, hissing a little in pain as she did so, “I’m just a little upset. Hormones, you know!” Alana replied, “If you don’t want me to see you, I’ll stay out here, alright? But please unlock the door, Margot!”

By that time, Margot was crying in panic and terror, completely despairing of what would happen if Alana managed to see her. After she finished bandaging her thighs, she got up and scrubbed her two used knives clean as fast as she could. She also cleaned her hands with soap and washed her face multiple times each, to make all the evidence of blood and tears disappear off her body.

Margot started taking deep breaths, as hard as it was with her body shaking. After a few minutes she had calmed herself down, and proceeded to limp to her secret drawer, hiding her tools and first aid away from prying eyes including the bloody towel, which she resolved to deal with later.

She unlocked the door, shakily, to see Alana’s worried face almost right in front of her own. She looked down at her feet, while greeting Alana, “Hi, dear. How come you’re home early?” Alana wasn’t having any of it, “Margot, what’s happened? You look like you’ve been crying. What’s upset you so much?”

Margot shook her head, smiling weakly, “It’s nothing, princess. Just one of those days, you know?” Alana eyed her suspiciously, “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but don’t expect me to not care when you’ve been hurt.”

Margot winced at her choice of phrasing. She had indeed been hurt, but _she_ was the culprit. Margot apologised, "I’m sorry, dear. I just don’t feel like talking about it.” “Yet”, added Alana. “Yes, dear”, Margot replied.

Margot knew that Alana was not going to let her retreat back into their room, so she walked out, past the door, limping as she did so. Alana noticed, and was quick to aid her walking.

“What are you doing, _Lana_?” Margot asked tersely. That stopped Alana in her tracks. Margot sounded like she was seriously annoyed about something, most likely her attempt to aid her hobbling gait.

“Well, you’re limping! Did you hurt your legs?” Alana queried. Margot spat out, “ _Oh_ , I had _no idea_! And, yes, in a manner of speaking. I appreciate your help, but I am perfectly capable of walking, _dear_.”

Now Alana could see and hear that Margot was really pissed off. She was confused; why was Margot reacting like this? She would have to dig deeper to find what the cause of Margot’s bad day was. She didn’t look forward to asking, though. So she would have to demand, if she wanted answers. But that would most likely lead to a fight between them. She didn’t want to risk destroying their peace over something that Margot clearly didn’t want to discuss.

Alana stared, dumbfounded, as Margot continued limping, holding the railing tightly as she descended the stairs. Alana knew something was obviously wrong with her legs, if Margot was limping that much. She hoped it was nothing too serious.

As she made it to the couch, Margot sank down in slightly pained, but obvious, relief. Alana approached her cautiously, not wanting to start a fight, but sitting down next to her, all the same. Margot tensed at Alana’s presence. She clearly didn’t want to be around her, but Alana persisted, all the same.

She made a move to touch her leg, but Margot jerked away suddenly. Alana was even more suspicious than before. What was Margot trying to hide from her and what did it have to do with her obviously injured legs?

Alana sighed, and lay her head on Margot’s shoulder, taking care not to touch her legs. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, Margot. But don’t push me away either. I don’t know what’s going on, but I would hope that you’d trust me enough to tell me, eventually.”

Margot started sniffling during Alana’s semi-speech, as the words hit her core. She didn’t mean to alienate Alana on purpose or react angrily towards her. But she knew that, were Alana ever to find out, she would not take it well. All she could think about, whenever she pondered this scenario, was that Alana would leave her, without marrying her and without having the baby that they had planned to have in the future.

She got up jerkily, as Alana supported her back, and made her way to one of the guest bedrooms. She’d be damned if she was going to climb the stairs in her state.

She lay down on the bed after closing the door behind her, making sure that there was minimal pressure on her thighs, before starting to softly cry herself to sleep and welcoming the oblivion that it brought her.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the brief delay. I've had exams that were physically and mentally exhausting. I've been sleeping through most of the past three days! 
> 
> Margot's knives: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/616-vudoTHL._SX355_.jpg and http://thumbs.ebaystatic.com/images/g/ZL4AAOSwNphWX8ei/s-l225.jpg


End file.
